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My Beautifully Broken Journey

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There once was a girl who felt trapped, lost, confused and broken.

Her life had gone down a dark path, and there were days that she wondered if the sunshine would ever fall on her face again.

The days were long back then. They were filled with pain, and hurt, and anger. They were filled with tears and questions and doubts. But, somewhere deep inside… she had a small sliver of hope.

Hope for freedom.

Hope for answers.

Hope for a breakthrough.

That breakthrough came, not in the way she had anticipated, rather with a lot more tears and questions and doubts that caused her and those around her more pain and hurt and anger.

She kept fighting though.

She fought to break out of the depression and feel the sunshine on her face again.

She fought until she found freedom.

That girl is me.

Today, looking back on my journey so far, I see how everything God has placed in my life was placed there for a purpose. He has created my story so I can share it, and I can give others hope when they feel trapped, lost, confused and broken like I was.

I used to live a life consumed by food. I broke free from binge eating disorder and am thankful that my pain had a purpose. This is my beautifully broken journey.
Food was my best friend.

It was the one I went to when I was happy, sad, lonely, angry, scared, etc. But, food wasn’t a “friend” to me. Food put me in that place of isolation and depression that no one else could understand, and that addiction became quite a burden to carry (literally).

We need food to survive, but not the way I consumed it and used it. I did not have a healthy relationship with food, or with my body, and at 27 years old I finally recognized that my food issues were not normal and they needed to be addressed. I finally had a name for my disordered eating… it is called Binge Eating Disorder.

So, I got help. With that help, I found freedom and I’ve lived in freedom for a few years now.

This does not mean I don’t struggle.

This does not mean I don’t fall.

I do.

But, I get back up, and I fight for the freedom I found. I fight for the girl deep inside who didn’t give up when that would have been the easiest thing to do. I found a warrior deep inside myself and I realized I’m not a quitter, despite the lies I used to tell myself. I discovered who I really am, and there is something really amazing when you find yourself.

I used to live a life consumed by food. I broke free from binge eating disorder and am thankful that my pain had a purpose. This is my beautifully broken journey.
My journey has evolved over the years. I currently am on a journey of losing weight, again, but this time is different. I’ve found my voice. I’ve found my passion and I’ve found that God gave me the pain for a purpose, a purpose that led me here, to this blog.

I used to live a life consumed by food. I broke free from binge eating disorder and am thankful that my pain had a purpose. This is my beautifully broken journey.

My journey is not perfect.

I am not perfect.

What I have come to realize is that we are all broken, and in that brokenness, is where we can find the beauty.

I have said time and again that I wish God could have chosen another way for me to learn this lesson instead of gaining 100 pounds in less than a year… but then I wouldn’t be where I am today.

So, I’ve embraced the mess.

I’ve embraced my imperfections and I’ve decided to share them. I am flawed in motherhood, my health, my faith and my marriage… but, I now celebrate that those flaws make me the woman I am on this journey that is beautifully broken.

My name is Amy.

I am a Christian, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Weight Watcher and Bar Method addict… and I am beautifully broken.

Welcome to my beautifully broken journey.

Happy to have you along for the ride.

 

Photo Credit: Rebecca Peters Photography

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66 Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing! I look forward to following your story. I, too, am on the road of self-discovery and healing. Blessings to you.

  2. Looking forward to following you on your blog. It has taken me so long just to get where I ‘m at today. You well help motivate me to keep going also I’m not only one on this long sometimes seeming hopeless journey. Best of luck to you. Looking forward to next post.?

  3. Amy, this is beautiful as you are. So glad we crossed paths on our WW instagram. Looking forward to reading this.

    wwmorganof4

  4. I am so excited to read your blog! It takes a very brave person to really put their struggle out there and you’re doing it! Very proud of you!

  5. I’m so glad that I can count on you and your blog for inspiration through my own journey. You’re a beautiful soul and a true blessing to so many!

  6. Beautifully written and I can completely relate. Looking forward to following you on your continued journey. We’re in this together! ~Arlene (NFLN/”butterflyninja12″ on Connect) πŸ™‚

  7. So beautifully said. I am 63 and still learning and growing. You are an inspiration Amy. Thanks for starting and sharing your blog.

    1. Thank you, Linda. If we aren’t growing we are dying… I hope I’m still growing at 63, too πŸ™‚ Thanks for your encouragement.

  8. I started following you on Instagram because you did weight watchers. I was shocked to learn there were others out there like me. Those who had/have BED and are fighting for freedom. I’m currently trying to break from the horrible cycle. I know it can be done, thanks to you and some others. Can’t wait to
    Continue to follow you, you give me such hope!

    1. Thanks, Kristen. My goal is to put a face to Binge Eating Disorder so people won’t be so ashamed to talk about it. There is hope, there is freedom and you are not alone.

  9. Way to go Amy! We are truly blessed by your courage and comforted by your strength. I have a daughter who struggles with Anorexia, it’s a hard, long road. Today as I read your first story, I felt your pain but you gave me something……….hope. Thank you so much for always being real. You got this!

    1. There is always hope, Kim. I’m glad I offered some to you today. Praying your daughter can find her freedom as well.

  10. Amy- so glad you started a blog. You are such an inspiration. I too suffer with binge eating . It’s not an easy thing to admit. Thanks for sharing your stories with us. Looking forward to reading your blog.!

  11. Congratulations on all your accomplishments!!! I’m looking forward to following your journey. I am a work in progress and I know that I have a Binge Eating Disorder as well; so I am excited to follow you!!

  12. I hope I have enough strength as you! I’ve been following you in Instagram and you inspire me. Thank you for starting this blog!

  13. Being broken myself, I lost my husband last year he was 55 years old and I became a widow after 39 years 33 really and mom um single widow mom to a 16 year old daughter. I am just now trying to make steps forward and I’m scared but what is my choice here?? So I was really happy to find your post on NFLN and started following you in instagram.
    Looking forward to moving forward !!
    Sandy

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss, Sandy. I hope as the days go by you can gain strength and find yourself in this new chapter of life. You are worth happiness.

  14. Very encouraged by your blog. I am also struggling with my weight. Am a WW member but have lost 25 lbs but cannot seem to lose anything for a couple of months.

    1. Just don’t give up, Nancy. You haven’t given up until you quit. Keep fighting for the “good days”, they will come!

  15. So incredibly proud of you. I can’t wait to read all your blog posts. You’ve been an inspiration to me on insta. So I know you’ll continue to be one via this forum too. So proud.

  16. I’ve loved following you on Insta & have found such inspiration in your posts. Well done, Amy, I can’t wait to follow you along on your latest journey! xo

  17. You are an inspiration to me and countless others. God is shining thru you and I am proud to call you sister friend. I am here for you every step of this new journey and admire your bravery! Love you! Congratulations! XOXO

  18. Wow, everything you said is what Im going thru right now. I’m so happy that you’ve decided to blog and help others. Thank you. Appreciated by Trish from Ohio

  19. Thanks for sharing your story! As a wife, mom and woman I can relate! I have struggled with weight for many years after having children. It affected my marriage, my ability to be a good mom and most importantly my health. Since March 3rd of this year I have turned my life around and have lost 51lbs!!! I and still on this long journey towards healing and health. Your Instagram feed helps a lot! Thanks again for sharing! xo

  20. Your story is awesome! Thank you for having the courage and motivation to share it. You are a girl I would see and think, gosh, she’s so pretty she’s probably just breezed through life. Thanks for the reality check.

  21. Amy, I have always felt your pains and your accomplishments, because I’m blessed to call you my daughter. I’m so proud of you that you are sharing your story with others because that’s you!! If you can help someone, you are there and this is your way to help others. I know your new blog will be an inspiration to others just as you inspire me. Love, MOM

  22. So beautiful! I can’t wait to read more. I saw your post the other day on NFLN and instantly followed your instagram. A true inspiration for those of us who struggle. Thank you for sharing your journey and for giving others hope.

  23. When I sat near you at WW I truly looked at you and thought how pretty you were and what good shape you were in. I even wondered what you were doing at WW and figured you were at goal. Reading your blog opened my eyes and reminded me that everybody struggles and the struggles are often not seeable. Your blog is great and inspiring to all. Love seeing the pictures of your adorable boys. Keep it up, including all the sharing which helps all the rest of us! And hoping that I can be of help to you also.

    1. Thanks so much, Donna! Yes, we all have a story that can’t be seen just by looking at us πŸ™‚ Thanks for reading about mine.

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