To My Firstborn, on your First Day of Kindergarten

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It’s hard to believe this day is here.  To My Firstborn, on your First Day of Kindergarten.

Tomorrow is a big day.

Tomorrow you start a new adventure, one we’ve been preparing you for for a while now.

We’ve talked about kindergarten and all the cool things you’ll get to do all that you’ll learn, and the new friends you’ll make.  We’ve talked about how you are going to get to school, how to pick out a lunch, and how all I ask is that you are kind to your classmates.  

We’ve talked about how you are going to love it there, and you probably aren’t going to miss Mommy at all… and that’s ok.

But, here’s what Mommy hasn’t talked to you about.

Tomorrow, when I walk you into that new school, a school that seems so big, I will be closing a chapter of your childhood and that’s something you can’t understand, nor do I want to attempt to explain to you.

Tomorrow we close the chapter of your “little years”, and that’s what I’m struggling most with tonight.

It’s not that you aren’t ready for kindergarten, oh boy, you are so ready.  My Mama’s heart isn’t ready to let go of the toddler I still catch a glimpse of when I look into your big blue eyes.

We’ve shared all your firsts. Your first giggle, your first steps, your first words. We also shared a lot of other firsts like diaper blowouts, Target tantrums, refusing naps, Mommy meltdowns… you know, all the “fun” firsts.

You have taught me how to be a Mommy.

You’ve taught me patience, forgiveness, compassion, and honesty. You’ve taught me to not take life so seriously and that almost everything can be fixed with a snuggle.

Being your Mommy has made me a better human being, because you softened the edges of my heart I didn’t even know were rough.

It was just you and I for so long (& Daddy, too).  For 3.5 years you were it.  Our days were an adventure and we were best buddies.  We explored, we talked (a lot), we laughed, we cried and we snuggled.

I’ve watched your imagination grow along with your legs and you have made me incredibly proud to call you my son.

You see, I never dreamed of becoming a mother. But, then God gave us this big surprise, and in 2011 on a dreary November day, in a cold as-ice operating room, I held you in my arms for the first time and my life was forever changed.

I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that you were everything I never knew I always wanted.

Instantly, you captivated me.

You gave me purpose and courage I never knew I had.

Your birth breathed life into me.

I always felt a little lost, like I didn’t quite know who I was or what I was supposed to do with my life until I became your Mom.

On that day, everything that God had ever done made sense and you were it.  God knew that Motherhood was what I was meant to do.

And when He gave us another son I couldn’t believe how you instantly loved him.  I was so worried about how our lives were going to change when we had him, but from the moment you met him, you loved him and 2 years later you are so protective of him and love him in a way I never saw coming.

The best gift we have ever given you boys is each other.

So, tomorrow as I close the chapter of your “little years”, I know I am opening the doors to a brand new chapter.

One that is just as exciting.  We are going to go through all of these firsts together like we have until now.  We will navigate homework, what sports you want to play, and which ones you don’t, we’ll navigate friendships and independence.

We will do it together because we have always made a great team.

I am going to miss having you at home during the day.  There is no denying that.  As a stay-at-home mom, I’m used to being with you and your brother all day, and I’d be lying if part of what has me so sad is that I feel like there is going to be a huge void in our day.

Your brother adores you and I know he is going to miss you the way that I will.  

I’m sure for the first few days all I’m going to hear is, “Where’d Bubba go?” over and over again.  But, I know that you are ready for Kindergarten and you won’t be missing us much at all.  

At least that is my hope.

So, my sweet 5-year-old boy, I am wishing you the most incredible first day of Kindergarten.

As I prayed over you tonight I asked God to give us both strength tomorrow.

I asked for strength to be brave.

Strength for new beginnings.

Strength to accept change.

Change is never easy, but it is almost always good, and I thank God that we get to celebrate you getting older year after year and watching you grow into the person He created you to be.

I love you, buddy.  So much more than you know.  You are going to rock Kindergarten, and though Mommy is going to try really hard not to cry, if you should see a tear fall, I don’t want you to cry, too.

Tomorrow we are going to be brave and we are going to be strong.

I am proud to call you my son.

I am excited for the school year ahead and I am thankful God gave me you to share all the “firsts” with.

Love,

Mom

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